Ensure Your Child is Not Isolated

  • Research shows that teens who are socially isolated may experience worse effects of dating violence and may have more trouble leaving abusive relationships.
  • Check in on your teen to get a sense of their social lives. Take note of any drastic changes, such as if your teenager no longer talks to any friends.
  • Reach out to your teen if you suspect they are experiencing or perpetrating dating violence.

Prenez garde aux signes

It’s important to pay attention to the signs of teen dating violence and be aware of what’s going on within your child’s relationship.

Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Did my child suddenly change how they dress, do makeup, or carry themself?
  • Has my child experienced an unexplained mood shift and become passive, withdrawn, or depressed?
  • Does my child have unexplained bruising, or do they engage in self-harming behaviours such as cutting or hair pulling?
  • Does my child constantly check in with texts and send photos to prove what they are doing/where they are?
  • Does my child make excuses for inappropriate behaviour from their partner?
  • Did my child suddenly drop in academic performance, motivation, or attendance?
  • Does my child’s partner insult or call them names?
  • Has my child stopped talking with friends and family?
  • Has my child started to “act out” after starting to date, when they weren’t before?

Learn How to Respond to a Teen Dating Violence Disclosure From Your Child

Surveys from teens demonstrate that they are afraid of their caregivers taking confrontational action or reporting the incidents against their wishes. So it’s important to be supportive.

Qu’est-ce qui rend une réponse positive ?

1. Take a non-judgemental approach.

Listen carefully and without making value judgements (e.g., don’t say “Why did you do that?”). Thank them for coming to talk with you and recognize the courage it took.

2. Avoid blaming.

L’accusation peut être subtile et se manifester sous forme de récits de responsabilité mutuelle ou de prévention. Même si nous avons un certain contrôle sur nos relations, il faut faire attention à éviter tout dialogue qui met la faute sur une personne victime.

3. Build agency and respect choice.

  • Avoid name-calling the person using violence. It is especially important to allow your child to discuss choices and collaboratively develop plans to deal with the problem.
  • Listen respectfully and be present.
  • Follow their lead and their ideas.
  • Help them evaluate whether their actions will bring about the desired outcome.

4. Be transparent about limits to confidentiality.

Tell your child that there is a limit to your ability to keep it between you — if your child is being physically harmed, if there is distribution of explicit sexual material, or if your child is otherwise in danger. As a caregiver you have a legal responsibility to keep your child safe

5. Be discrete and avoid interacting with the individual who is abusing your child.

6. Normalize the issue for your child.

Reassure your child that teen dating violence does happen and that there is support and resources available and you will be there to support them through it.

7. Find the appropriate supports and referrals.

Quatre étapes pour réagir à une divulgation de violences sexuelles dans une relation avec un adolescent

(Sagesse & Centre for Sexuality)

1. Entrée en vigueur

  • Identify feelings, thoughts, and reactions when speaking with your child, their friend, or other adults in their life (e.g., teacher).
  • Évaluez si ces sentiments ou pensées vous affectent et/ou entravent votre capacité à réagir.
  • Pensez à ce que vous pouvez faire en ce moment pour être d'un soutien.

2. Affirmer

  • Let your child know that you are glad they came to you.
  • Do not judge your child — they may have many reasons for behaving in specific ways, and may be experiencing circumstances which prevent them from acting “rationally”.

3. Clarifier

  • Explain the limits of your confidentiality based on your responsibilities as a caregiver and based on the law. Emphasize that it is ultimately your responsibility to keep your child safe.
  • Ask your child clearly what they need.
  • Réitèrez ou vérifiez que votre compréhension du scénario est exacte.

4. Réponse

  • Be aware of how your own body language and behaviour affects how your child might feel.
  • Inform and provide your child with available resources. Work together with your child to plan next steps.
  • Maintain confidentiality as best as you can.

Provide Warm Referrals

(Sagesse & Centre for Sexuality)

  • Explain to your child what will happen if they call or seek out support. Describe the resources and what they can do.
  • Consider calling the support source together or being present with your child.
  • Try to figure out what feels most helpful for your child — What kind of help is needed? What is the best resource for that help?
  • Consider preparing a list of potential resources in advance so that you know the options. This will help both you and your child figure out the best choices.

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